Survival+Tips+101

Guidelines for surviving the 2012 Santee Wateree Writing Project

Wearing your Snuggie is completely optional, but highly recommended for optimal writing performance.

Go to the restroom with a trusted classmate because someone (or something) keeps turning the lights off.

Can't think of anything to write? Try writing a haiku! :D

You don't need to spend hours on your demonstration lesson. Start it the night before, and you'll get an automatic A.

Leave your stuffed animals at home! They will serve no purpose to you as a writer and won't comfort you when you want to spit. How old are you, 5?

When you feel like crying, don't...spit instead. (This rule is essential in this class!)

Be sure to complete all writing assignments, because Trish can't grade air!

Brush up on your song titles. (Also essential)

If you like to sleep, complete all of your assignments responding to readings before the College World Series finals when the Gamecocks go for a three-peat.

Have a spit cup handy.

Be prepared to gain 15 pounds.

Make sure your savings account has money in it...it will be empty soon! Gifts are required!

Promptly choose a mother figure for the group (don't choose yourself).

Find one person to befriend so he/she can update you on what you missed when you skipped class.

Don't go in public with other members of the class...keep it strictly a classroom relationship.

Know that your class will be filled with SLUTs

What happens in SWWP does NOT stay in SWWP.

Dr. Guy don't play!

Laughter is not an option.

Any sexual comments may result in expulsion and possibly a criminal arrest...but probably not.

The anthology should be crap. Don't follow those brown-nosers from 2011.

One word: food!

Corollary to above: elastic waist band pants-invest in some now!

Spitting is the new crying.

Laughter: since you will be starting the workshop right after the school year ends, you may be out of practice. Do at least 10-20 open-mouthed, big-teeth grins each day before the workshop begins so you don't cramp up.

Heart: prepare to give a part of it away, you can live without a few hundred lub-dubs every day!

Ego: not in the SWWP dictionary

Language: check the definitions of double entendre and sexual innuendo before you get to class.

Come late, leave early.

Borrow someones else's demo from a previous year.

Wear shades, nap through the afternoon session.

Use the "Write More Good" writing guide to help you develop your writing craft.

Don't share any of your personal "tricks of the trade"- they steal your ideas. Keep them to yourself.

Stay stressed, it improves your disposition.

Buy new stationary for thank you cards.

Bring a coffee mug filled with your preferred adult beverage. Sit quietly. They won't suspect a thing.

Make sure you don't make your classmates cry during your demo lesson. They'll use your emotional presentation as an excuse for not being productive later on.

If you share, don't expect to get snaps everytime.That is only designated for special people.

For an easy breakfast that requires little effort, bring out the left overs from your other classmates' contributions from previous days.